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I am becoming a creature of fluid wrath
that coils itself like a serpent around
defenseless mice.
I am wrathful and ravenous
in a passionate pursuit of ideals
towards power, control, and love.

Scorched forms of past self.
A heart of chaos and moths that burn away
as a pack of wolves rape my passion, tearing it to the ground. Draining. Bleeding. Struggling. Drowning. Crying. Dying. Violating. And coagulating into the depths of past passions.
Now I will destroy you.
Now I will confront you.

​For within my revelations of fury, and my exclamations of worry, time carries on the heavy burden of wrath.

​Dirt cares only for the earth.
And I hope the sharks mark my rebirth.
​Fire to ashes.
Bones to dust.
Struggle cares for no one
in its path of lust.
​              I am the mountains, I am the wind.
     I am the sword of ten thousand sins.​
I am the scythe, you are the wheat.
​And I will destroy you in piles of meat.

​Bring me the swords
​of the
​Humiliated and I shall
​make it done.

Bring me the axes
​of the
Violated and I shall
​make it done.

I am sorrow.
 ​I am victory.
I am the everlasting
face of confident
​energy.

Now I will defeat you.
I will rise above you.
I will annihilate you in my passions of life.

I am the mountains, I am the wind.
I am the sword of ten thousand sins.



I am a warrior.
​And I shall defeat you.
I will confront you.
I will destroy you.

I am the mountains, I am the
wind.
I am the sword of ten
thousand sins.
I am the scythe, you are the
​wheat.
And I will destroy you
in piles of meat.
Someday I will turn peasant to conqueror
and in that moment, then I will have won. Someday I will turn peasant to conqueror and in that moment, then I will have won.

​It               all             starts         now.
In chaos theory, we see something called what is now known as "the butterfly effect". It took me a while to understand the butterfly effect and what it was but now I have a bit more of an understanding around it. What the butterfly effect essentially is is the phenomena where a small difference in a system can lead to larger differences in a later stage of said system. In chaos theory we also see something called a "double rod pendulum" which is basically two pendulums attached together and is a perfect example of chaotic behavior being exhibited. My hypothesis is that we can use chaos theory and the butterfly effect along with the double rod pendulum in terms of discussing and studying human behavior. Particularly emotional and sexual regression. Edward Lorenz (the man who coined the term "the butterfly effect" and pioneered chaos theory) described "deterministic chaos" as: "Chaos: When the present determines the future, but the approximate present does not approximately determine the future.". This theory could be used as a model to explain human behavior. The butterfly effect also goes on to mention the "sensitive dependence on initial conditions". This makes me think of the ways that children are raised in childhood will affect their behavior later on in adulthood. We see this in a wide range of people: alcoholics, serial killers, pedophiles, child molesters. By altering a very small "initial condition" in a child's life, it can possibly determine how the child will grow up to be an adult. These events aren't predetermined and they aren't set in stone, but they do very much happen. And they certainly don't come out of nowhere. There is a pattern underlying human behavior. And that pattern can be observed and possibly even predicted based on how they were raised and how they grew up.
  • Listening to: Isis - The Minus Times
  • Reading: House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielwski
This tree no longer grows,
         its disease whittled
              to the ground.
Its roots and structure, stillborn and
                   impotent,
              it must not hear any sounds.
               To the sun
                     of graveyards
               and a heat of bitter graves,
                     still this architecture stands,
                         its soul in bitter hands,
                     and time sinks beneath the waves.
It's been here since my birth,
               no longer in its breath,
I'm still walking and times
            still stalking,
              but does it wait for death?

     With scratch marks
              and insects
     into eternal thorns,
             with callous brains and
                              heartshaken maize,
             into this field I'm born.
An update is long long overdue. What have I been up to? I've decided to transfer schools and I'm officially going to a new school in the fall. It was a stressful, upsetting second semester but I managed to make it through. I have also returned to painting! I'm very proud of myself. I have drawings and a few paintings that I would like to upload on here very soon. I've been looking at the works of Ad Reinhardt and Mark Rothko. Also introduced myself to the writing's of Mark Z. Danielewski and most recently, Franz Kafka. 

I'm also trying to normalize my sleep schedule. I had a very fucked up sleep schedule for the second semester. But one of the happiest things that I can say is that sleep is no longer the only thing that brings me comfort. I'm starting to find some comfort in others. 

And I'm going to the Vans Warped Tour tomorrow!
  • Listening to: iwrestledabearonce - Karate Nipples
  • Reading: House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielwski
  • Drinking: White Grape Juice
Picture this: A dark room filled with butterflies and a plethora of dead girls on the floor. The girls are wearing dresses with flowers on them and have long brown hair. Soon, the girls disappear and we are left with nothing but silence and butterflies. The only thing that exists are silence, butterflies, and painful memories.

Two people then walk into the room. The first is a girl dressed in all black with long brown hair and eyes like a playful vulture. She walks in with a man, one who is tall with perfectly dead coelacanth eyes and a sense of self confidence unlike my own. They start making love and I pull out a revolver and aim it at my head. Soon they stop and then burst into flames, the revolver still aimed at my right hemisphere.  The butterflies dance and flutter about as they form a whirlpool-like form around my body.

All I can think about now is how beautiful it feels to not exist, or no, how beautiful it feels to know that you don't exist. YOU don't exist. A portal opens in the room and I see you lying down as you dissipate into a thousand colorful jellyfish. You sink down beneath the ocean as a coelacanth swallows your body and soul.

The portal disappears and the room is quiet. I lie down and fall asleep, at peace.
Untitled
White void filled with fields of lemongrass and garlic
Loading...
In chaos theory, we see something called what is now known as "the butterfly effect". It took me a while to understand the butterfly effect and what it was but now I have a bit more of an understanding around it. What the butterfly effect essentially is is the phenomena where a small difference in a system can lead to larger differences in a later stage of said system. In chaos theory we also see something called a "double rod pendulum" which is basically two pendulums attached together and is a perfect example of chaotic behavior being exhibited. My hypothesis is that we can use chaos theory and the butterfly effect along with the double rod pendulum in terms of discussing and studying human behavior. Particularly emotional and sexual regression. Edward Lorenz (the man who coined the term "the butterfly effect" and pioneered chaos theory) described "deterministic chaos" as: "Chaos: When the present determines the future, but the approximate present does not approximately determine the future.". This theory could be used as a model to explain human behavior. The butterfly effect also goes on to mention the "sensitive dependence on initial conditions". This makes me think of the ways that children are raised in childhood will affect their behavior later on in adulthood. We see this in a wide range of people: alcoholics, serial killers, pedophiles, child molesters. By altering a very small "initial condition" in a child's life, it can possibly determine how the child will grow up to be an adult. These events aren't predetermined and they aren't set in stone, but they do very much happen. And they certainly don't come out of nowhere. There is a pattern underlying human behavior. And that pattern can be observed and possibly even predicted based on how they were raised and how they grew up.
  • Listening to: Isis - The Minus Times
  • Reading: House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielwski
An update is long long overdue. What have I been up to? I've decided to transfer schools and I'm officially going to a new school in the fall. It was a stressful, upsetting second semester but I managed to make it through. I have also returned to painting! I'm very proud of myself. I have drawings and a few paintings that I would like to upload on here very soon. I've been looking at the works of Ad Reinhardt and Mark Rothko. Also introduced myself to the writing's of Mark Z. Danielewski and most recently, Franz Kafka. 

I'm also trying to normalize my sleep schedule. I had a very fucked up sleep schedule for the second semester. But one of the happiest things that I can say is that sleep is no longer the only thing that brings me comfort. I'm starting to find some comfort in others. 

And I'm going to the Vans Warped Tour tomorrow!
  • Listening to: iwrestledabearonce - Karate Nipples
  • Reading: House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielwski
  • Drinking: White Grape Juice

deviantID

PonderHope
Jonah Asher Feintuck
Artist | Student | Varied
United States

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Comments


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:iconaaliyahnavras:
AaliyahNavras Featured By Owner May 14, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
Hi! 
I just launched my FB Page with new artworks, take a look if you want or just keep having an amazing day! 
peace out!

Headbang! 
www.facebook.com/pages/Aaliyah…
Reply
:iconbatboyexe:
BatboyEXE Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2015
Happy Birthday! :) :cake: :party:
Reply
:iconanj3lla:
Anj3lla Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2015   General Artist
Happy Birthday!!! :party::cake::party:
Reply
:iconrhynwilliams:
RhynWilliams Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2015   Traditional Artist
Happy Birthday! x
Reply
:iconxfel13:
Xfel13 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2015   General Artist
Hi Jonah, thanks for faving my artwork. Really appreciate :) :)
Reply
:iconxxtheblacksheepxx:
xXTheBlackSheepXx Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hey! Hey, you! Keep up the amazing work on your art ^_^

:star: revamp Bunny Emoji-68 (Bouncy) [V4] Shadow Link-Sing Sweetheart #6 Pikachu Yellow Version Love #6 Spot The Pup Emoji - 1 [happy w/ tongue]Love  :fairyofhealing: Aoi Wink Icon :fairyofhealing: Pointing Emoticon of a Cute Little Dinosaur :heartemote: Bunny Emoji-68 (Bouncy) [V4] :star: revamp 

And have a wonderful day :)
Reply
:iconponderhope:
PonderHope Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank youuuu <3 :D
Reply
:iconxxtheblacksheepxx:
xXTheBlackSheepXx Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Welcome ^_^
Reply
:iconsplitensds:
SplitEnsds Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much for the :+fav:! :rose:
Reply
:iconfuneral-cry:
funeral-cry Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
thanks for the faves!
Reply
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